"Yes its a big challenge being a working mom and handling the academics of a child - rendered especially more challenging when you deal with a child who has some learning difficulties.
Coping wouldn't have been possible if I wasn't dealing with a school whose management is very compassionate, teachers who are helpful and believe in bringing about a positive change in the child and my support system of parents, in-laws and a caring husband who together help me handle my son Arjun.
I have recently been referred to a special educator Reena Bhonagiri who is going to help my son deal with this, by imparting skills and coping strategies to help him get around in spite of the problem he faces.
My session with her was very helpful as she told me all the symptoms I had described were exactly those that other parents of similar children often share and that there is a way forward. That itself filled me with a lot of hope and optimism.
Academics has always been a challenge for my son. Single digit marks were the norm of the day. Teachers often misunderstood his lack of interest as lethargy or naughtiness. But its just that he writes very slowly so is unable to keep pace with the class and is therefore easily distracted.
I have always taken help of psychologists / counselors to help make it an aided process.
On the side, going through a divorce, remarriage and a difficult custody process - didn't make it any easier - but all through it has been our endeavour to keep the child's interest of paramount importance.
I openly and regularly consult and confer with his biological father to ensure we have his views on board too. We have made it an open and transparent process to make sure that Arjun can fearlessly voice his concerns and apprehensions if any and we talk about all of this very openly in the family.
My in-laws have been absolutely delightful through the process and my husband Ankush is an absolute gem when dealing with Arjun. I'm sure my son Arjun went through a tough time in those difficult years - add to that his academic problems which we detected when he was 4-5 years old, but we ensured that we got the right advice at the right time so that we were managing his emotional roller coaster as well as we could, under the circumstances.
On the advice of counselors we spent a few years only helping him get over the problem rather than focus on marks. I often tell my son I will not bother about your marks as long as I see effort and hard work. I measure by input rather than output, quite the opposite of what we practice in the corporate world!
Watching the movie Taare Zameen Par was a revelation and like reliving the entire childhood for him. We both wept copiously through the movie, sharing one handkerchief - of course only till I blew my nose in it :)) But we hugged each other tight after the movie and thought about how blessed we were that we know how to deal with it...
But for me its important he knows I'm not entirely hung up on his marks or will never compare how much he got with another kid because clearly, we're just not in that league. That therefore is the least of my worries. I want him to excel at whatever he chooses, be it art, music or sports as there does lie a lot of his interest. If he is able to score well, that is a bonus.
With the schools help, we have now been granted a writer, and his grades have jumped. That has boosted his confidence as he now scores commensurate with his effort unlike before where he knew everything but just didnt get the marks as he never could write the paper.
My mother is an educationist and so is my maternal aunt. Together they have helped him learn in different ways, using their teaching skills to make the subjects interesting for him so he gets better at spellings and the gist of the matter.
We do a lot of projects together and put in a lot of time with some extra coaching with tutors over the weekend to help him keep abreast with his class. I'm sure it could be quite taxing for him given that it just takes him that much longer to get through a page of reading or writing but we're working hard at improving all such skills.
In fact for the first time in years he's picked up reading and now you see him with a book all the time. Both my husband and I are voracious readers so this is simply great as we all sit with our individual books and enjoy some quiet reading time together...
My in-laws, husband and parents all help me with this - it wouldn't have been possible without their help. Clearly its a team effort and all of us play an integral part in it. With my work and travel it would have been impossible otherwise to cope.
Arjun loves to play football, basketball and gully cricket. Like any teenage kid he loves his share of TV, cartoon network et al, computer games and his PSP. I must add and admit that its been an uphill task but gratifying too. There are very few people who understand the challenges and quite often well meaning friends and family will think / tell me I'm making a bigger deal of it than necessary - and that we shouldn't keep saying the 'dyslexia' word in front of Arjun - but I don't think 'not talking about it' will make the problem go away!!
Its important to take away the taboo from the subject and support the child by making him / her feel that there's absolutely nothing wrong with them!
I'm convinced its good to talk about it - and every time I encounter another parent or child like him I make it a point to let him know how they're coping with it... He's very supportive of my work and my career. Like the rest of the family Arjun speaks of me and my work with a lot of pride!
I'm proud to say ( and I'm sure I'm biased :)) that he's grown up in to a fine, sensitive and caring human being, he's sharp and quick witted and quick to help others. At the end of the day, that's all that matters. Not your marks!
He is fond of some subjects, more than others and when he scores well in those we make sure we celebrate these small successes with as much fanfare as we can. This helps build his confidence and makes him put in sustained efforts.
A child like him often feels frustrated and little. When we saw the movie TZP, it was a grim reminder of all the symptoms we encountered during his growing up years. He was unable to tie shoe laces. Button his shirt. Tell the time. Tell left from right. Put toothpaste on his brush. We've gone through all of that. And lived to tell the tale.
Because we've come a very long way from there!!
We make every effort to ensure he feels good about school, studies and himself.
He's a good kid. He just needs a little help - more than any other kid his age. That's all! We feel blessed to have reached where we have...
Courage. Determination. Optimism. And loads of positivity. That is our mantra!"
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